BDSM: The Absolute Basics

Historically the ideas of BDSM are a far cry from what we now look at as BDSM today. Even the term BDSM, a recent term developed in our modern age originating in the late 60’s or early 70’s, is symbolic of a kinky sexuality involving mutual consent and a mutual exploration of desires and fantasies. Before jumping too heavily into the world of wild kinky fantasies it’s good to understand what BDSM exactly means.

So let’s jump in to some basics:


B - Stands for Bondage, this involves any means of restraint which we use for enjoyment, mostly erotic enjoyment. This isn’t exclusive to just rope bondage, it can include any type of restraint from fuzzy handcuffs to plastic wrap, rope to silk scarves; if you can tie someone up or down with it that’s all part of sexual/erotic bondage. 


Now the D & S both have two meanings and serve to cover dual concepts, so they will be listed twice to explore their duality. 


D - It’s first meaning equals Discipline, the idea here is all about various forms of punishment play. This can exist within a Dominant/submissive (aka D/s) dynamic or it can be enjoyed just for the fun of it. Discipline can be part of a set of rules established in a consensual D/s dynamic or between two folks just enjoying a bit of spanking playtime or any other disciplinary action that is negotiated and agreed upon. Think of a deliciously wicked student teacher role play session (between consenting adults) where the naughty student must atone for their behavior by being bent over a desk and getting a series of spankings from the teacher’s ruler. This my dear reader is a form of playfully erotic discipline.  


D & S - Dominance and Submission are ideals of erotic and/or sexual power dynamics where individuals create a scene, a series of play sessions, or a relationship around esablishing consensual imbalance of power for the gratification of both parties. Essentially one person, the submissive, gifts their freewill over to the other person, the dominant, for a negotiated set of time and a negotiated set of duties, fantasies, kinks, fetishes, etc. Contrary to popular culture this doesn’t always involve contracts, but it should always involve negotiations about consent including, but not limited to, an establishment of limits, boundaries, and fetishes.  


S - Consensual pain play can be a wonderfully fun and beautifully fulfilling addition to any erotic playtime, so our solitary S stands for Sadism. Sadism, of the consensual variety, is the idea that someone gets sexually excited by giving someone pain via physical and/or psychological means.  From my years working with kinky folks I feel that sadism is one of the most challenging ideas to come to grips with.  Most of us are taught from a young age that it’s wrong to hit, bite, scratch, say unkind things etc., and this can leave a deep and lasting impression on our psyche. It’s very hard for most folks to deal with the idea that it’s okay to play with physical and emotional pain. The key here is that when playing with a person who enjoys and consents to receiving pain that it’s okay to not only have a sadistic side, but to also enjoy exploring this concept.


M - We finally reach our last letter, the big M. M in our acronym is all about Masochism, these are the folks that relish receiving pain of the physical and/or emotional variety. This is the spankee to your spanker, the person who enjoys being humiliated for erotic purposes. In my experience this one can also be challenging for the budding new masochist to come to grips with. “Why do I enjoy this”, is a big question that many folks new to this style of play ask themselves. The complete answer to that is very complex, so for this post we will simplify it to that delightful little word… Hormones. The release of certain hormones can provide us with a wonderfully euphoric state of being, but it’s hinged upon receiving the pain that works for us or as I like to refer to it, good pain. Good pain is the kind of pain that translates in our brains as pleasure, so to achieve this it’s important to explore this with someone that is trusted, who is responsible, and who you’ve really negotiated and established consent with.  


So there you have it my good kinky folks, that's as basic as it gets for BDSM. Keep doing your homework (wouldn’t want that kinky teacher coming after you with her ruler, or would you?) and you’ll be having some wild and exciting kinky fun before you know it. 


~Gem




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