Kinkification

Defining roles in BDSM and kinky dynamics is one of the more challenging aspects of discovering who you are, and what you like in this realm of erotic/sexual play. There are so many terms that get thrown around in kink that it can be hard to keep them all straight, and cause a challenge in identifying your needs and wants to a potential kinky suitor. It is my keen desire to help you, my dearest reader, to sort out the basic ideologies of Top vs Dominant, so you can at least understand and articulate some of your basic kinky wants.  Top vs Dominant: So a tricky thing to remember is a Dominant is always a Top, but a Top isn’t always a Dominant.   In gay and lesbian sexual culture a Top is considered to be the penetrator, in other words they are the person inserting an object (often a penis or dildo) into the other partners orficies (I love the word orfice, it’s sooooooo naughty and yet not naughty at the same time).   In BDSM the Top is considered to be the giver of the negotiated act or

  Gem and I have had a few discussions based on the topic “what kink means to me” which has led me down the path I’m currently on. At 30, I can proudly say, kink is more than a passing fancy or whim; much to my dad’s dismay (sorry, not sorry Dad). Kink has become my lifestyle, the people I’ve met have become my closest friends and family.  I grew up in a suppressive, conservative religious household, with parents from the south, and siblings always trying to tattle or one-up each other. I had my first kiss with my best friend at eleven, and had to hide any attraction to the same-sex from my family, and myself. Starting at a young age we were always told how to dress, act, and communicate with others; don’t wear that it’ll show your hips, if you get mad people won’t want to be your friend, and to never question the church.  When you grow up in a family that sensors everything, it is difficult to be different. I had to sneak erotica from the library and explore my sexuality quietly. I di

  Pixie and I decided we should both write about this same topic, because kink while on a fundamental level can be the same for most, on a personal level it is very different for each individual that practices it. A lot of folks out there are “bedroom kinksters”, which means it’s just for private playtime with a significant other; others are proud and out kinksters who kink is an everyday part of their life and they are active in a public kink community in some manner; and then there are “middle grounders” who celebrate a bit of both worlds, a little bit private and a little bit involved in a local kink community. I have been all of the above at different points in my life.   Today as a fortysomething woman I’ve come to realize kink is part of my personal core. At the tender age of 23, I stumbled into the “official” kinky BDSM lifestyle. I happened to start dating a gentleman who was dominant and I was very lucky that he was upfront on our first date about his lifestyle choices and exp

Hello fellow kinkster!  Pixie and I would like to welcome you to our kinky little space in the vast network of online media.  We are excited to have you joining us as we discuss our kink and BDSM journeys and share our collective knowledge about kink and BDSM.  We are a pair of polyamorous, BDSM, and LGBTQ community members who have spent several years running a kink community playspace, aka a public dungeon.  Together and separately we've hosted over 100 BDSM and kink parties, taught classes, hosted munches, and facilitated discussion groups. We've been in a healthy and happy D/s dynamic for just shy of four years now, with Pixie taking part as the submissive and me, Gem, taking part as the dominant.  Our D/s relationship is built on a foundation of care, trust, respect, enthusiastic consent, and playfully intense, and crazy-good kinky times. It is our desire that you, our dear reader, find a bit of knowledge and a lot of fun in the information and stories that we are sharing