What Kink Means to Me - Gem's Journey

 Pixie and I decided we should both write about this same topic, because kink while on a fundamental level can be the same for most, on a personal level it is very different for each individual that practices it. A lot of folks out there are “bedroom kinksters”, which means it’s just for private playtime with a significant other; others are proud and out kinksters who kink is an everyday part of their life and they are active in a public kink community in some manner; and then there are “middle grounders” who celebrate a bit of both worlds, a little bit private and a little bit involved in a local kink community. I have been all of the above at different points in my life.  

Today as a fortysomething woman I’ve come to realize kink is part of my personal core. At the tender age of 23, I stumbled into the “official” kinky BDSM lifestyle. I happened to start dating a gentleman who was dominant and I was very lucky that he was upfront on our first date about his lifestyle choices and explained to me that he was only interested in partners who were also interested in kink. After an hour of asking all sorts of questions about kink and BDSM and consent, I was sold.  


Up until this date, I had explored a little here and there with partners, a bit of spanky spanky, fuzzy handcuffs, schoolgirl skirts and pigtails, and of course lots of sex toys. Gem loves herself some sex toys… (I promise I won’t refer to myself in the third person too often… hehe) Unfortunately, in those pre-kink days I had to deal with some slut and kink-shaming. Multiple partners told me I was just too wild, kinky, and sexual to be a good relationship partner. This baffled me more times than I can count. I kept thinking “Isn’t a fun and regular sex life a path to a healthy partnership???” So needless to say young slutty Gem was lost and confused and couldn’t find a good healthy partner who celebrated her wilder side. (oops I did it again… hehe)


Finding that there were kinky folks out there that I could not only explore my sexuality with, and also have a solid relationship with, was so incredibly freeing. It was a long and sometimes rocky road exploring kink and BDSM; there is a lot to learn and know for a person to have a healthy and consensual kinky life. My journey was not only fun but completely worth every bump… and dare I say it… bruise along the way.  


So there you have it, my kinky friends, kink is not for everyone, but when we find other kinky folks it lets us realize that we aren’t alone and that our kinky needs are normal and acceptable. When kink is practiced with consent and respect for one another’s desires and needs, it is a positive addition, whether it is just for the bedroom, a full-on lifestyle, or a hybrid of the two. For me, kink is a part of who I am, my center, my way to connect with wonderful people who are as crazy and deviant and perfectly normal as I am.  


~Gem

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