What Kink Means to Me - Pixie's Journey

 Gem and I have had a few discussions based on the topic “what kink means to me” which has led me down the path I’m currently on. At 30, I can proudly say, kink is more than a passing fancy or whim; much to my dad’s dismay (sorry, not sorry Dad). Kink has become my lifestyle, the people I’ve met have become my closest friends and family. 

I grew up in a suppressive, conservative religious household, with parents from the south, and siblings always trying to tattle or one-up each other. I had my first kiss with my best friend at eleven, and had to hide any attraction to the same-sex from my family, and myself. Starting at a young age we were always told how to dress, act, and communicate with others; don’t wear that it’ll show your hips, if you get mad people won’t want to be your friend, and to never question the church. 

When you grow up in a family that sensors everything, it is difficult to be different. I had to sneak erotica from the library and explore my sexuality quietly. I discovered kink through the hundreds of books I read; I used to photocopy sex scenes and read them when I was feeling aroused. I became an expert at hiding my guilty pleasures… with my hyper conservative mom I definitely felt guilty with any self pleasure.  Later years I was too “experimental” or simply too “freaky” when asking for a spanking, biting, or hell even dirty talk. (I’m a proud slut.) 

Men were stunned by my enthusiasm and willingness to try their ‘depravity’. After numerous dates (that I’ve lost count of), I started talking to a somewhat close friend about looking for someone kinky. He mentioned fetlife, which led me to create a profile in order to continue my search.... 

Now most people would say that’s the end of the story, but one thing you should learn about this Pixie… nothing goes according to my plans. I wanted to take a photo of my wrist in a pair of handcuffs for my fetlife profile picture, but forgot to check if I still had the key; which I didn’t and there was no quick-release. Luckily, I knew my best friend had the exact same key on her key ring. Unfortunately, she was at a bar and didn’t have her car. So I had to drive across town with a pair of bright red handcuffs on one wrist and walk into that bar. Here’s where the story turns into a head shaking moment. She didn’t have the key, but offered to pick the lock with her meat thermometer. Ten minutes later I’m sitting at the bar with my friend trying to pick this lock when someone comes up saying they have cuff keys. I was ecstatic! Until he pulled out the wrong key. 

People, I was desperately walking around asking anyone if they knew hot to pick a lock. I was ready to accept my fate, and go home to explain to my dad why I needed him to cut cuffs off me, when an older man spoke up from the back of the bar. He knew how to pick a lock!!! Again, sitting at the bar, but this time we spoke about my current situation and my interest in kink. Come to find out he ran the local rope gathering, and invited me to join their weekly meeting. He explained what a munch was, how parties typically worked, and offered a safe place to start my journey. A week later I walked into his rope group, and as they say the rest is history.  

Discovering the wide range of kinks out there and a diverse community was an answer to my desires; finally people who would understand me and accept my interests.

Every new person I interacted with and relationships I formed was adding to my foundation of understanding. I learned how to properly negotiate with potential play partners, how to validate feelings, the signs of a toxic relationship, and how to brush off the negative teachings of my family. Kink is my freedom, my revelation to life, and the introduction to self discovery.

~Pixie