A Masochist's Thoughts

 Kink has a plethora of wonderful words that send goosebumps up and down my spine; such as Dominant, spanking, leather, and so on. Masochism is one of those words which best describe someone who receives pleasure from pain. I’m not saying all pain all the time, but when it comes to playing in a scene we definitely will take what you give us. 

As a masochist, I often get asked what makes pain so pleasurable, or how do I push past what others would shy away from. Let’s break this down, shall we? When I say ‘push past’ the pain, I’m referring to mentally separating our bodies’ natural response of “ouch” and focus on the sensation.

During a scene involving impact, I will purposely close my eyes and focus on keeping my body relaxed and serene. If I see even the slightest movement I could tense up and cause more harm to myself, the Dominant, or, heaven forbid their toys. Keeping one knee bent in order for blood to continue circulating is best, plus it means I can withstand a longer play session... *giddy!* I trust my Dominant to know how to wield their toys and be knowledgeable about the human body; ie... where to land a blow, making sure to build the intensity if negotiated, keeping an eye on marks, and watching for a gesture to stop if needed. 

The impact itself has complex sensations and affects everyone differently. I’ll hear the sound, a sharp crisp slap, which oftentimes sounds fair worse than it is. Once the sound echoes in my ear, I feel the sensation of stings in the impacted spot which is usually the ass. The sting makes me want to rub away the pain, but I keep my arms holding the St. Andrews Cross, and keep as still as I can. 

I know if I reach back to rub my ass one of two things will happen: my hand will get hit resulting in the scene being stopped to check on me, or I wiggle and my Dominant catches on that my ass stings and will tease me with pokes and more spanks (Side note: I love the voice they use to tease/humiliate me with, it makes me want to wiggle some more to hear their voice…*cheesy grin*). 

Warmth slowly takes over the spot and spreads across my ass, and as the blood rushes to the surface; goosebumps crawl up my arms, and into my scalp. The Dominant takes a moment to tease my raw skin with their leather paddle… running their fingers across the lovely marks leftover….grazing their nails causing my breath to spike, which leads to the nails biting into my ass leaving crescent moon shaped marks among the heated red mounds…. 

*Fanning my face* Oops! Got lost for a moment there, I’m back now!

As you can see, even writing about the pain I receive during a spanking, I can’t help but be transported away. The euphoria of sensations and letting your mind focus on your breathing will allow the initial discomfort to melt away. I love pain. I love the psychological effects it cues with the rush of endorphins, the joy bubbling in my chest, and the desire to beg for more. The physical effects with the goosebumps and shivers going up my spine, feeling my hair follicles tingling, my nipples tightening, and arousal dripping with every spanking, bite, and rough hair pulling.

 Dear readers, whether you’re seasoned, educating yourself, or just curious about BDSM/kinks/fetishes let me tell you that being a masochist isn’t just for the Dominant; it’s a mutually shared experience for all parties. It’s a bonus that my enjoyment of pain can be shared with someone who enjoys consensual sadism! As I briefly mentioned, I love having my hair pulled and the pain-causing my eyes to flutter in pleasure. My Dominant loves pulling my hair, and being able to see my expression. It’s a symbiotic dynamic of consensual give and takes!  We discuss our pre-play checklist: how are you physically, how are you mentally, what about emotionally? Sometimes I need emotional release, everyone needs a good cry now and then, and I’ll explain this to them. 

“I really need to cry, I have a build-up of emotions I want out can you help me? I trust you, and you know what’s best for me at this moment. I’m feeling tender on my shoulders, can we steer clear of that area? Yes, you can use your nails. Anything to shy away from? Hmm…. can we not use the term Brat or bad girl today? I’m feeling sensitive to the terms.” 

It’s taken me years to accept myself completely; being raised in the conservative household, I mentioned in a previous post, didn’t help. The pain was used for punishment, and for trying to correct “undesired behavior”. The term brat, which is a common title in the BDSM world, was used parallel to bad girl, and outward displays of emotion were frowned upon. I now understand that when I’m acting more bratty it means my Pixie side (mischievous trickster) was coming out. Now to help curb the negative behavior I learned from my blood family, my Dominant and I have negotiated that they have consent to help me… and that is a topic for another time… now back to the glorious world of pain and pleasure!

Yes, I am submissive, and yes, I am a masochist; please understand that one is not exclusive to the other, although loving pain can definitely lead to some floaty, panty wetting moments. Being a pain slut, another term for intense masochists means I can relish in the pleasure, provide joy to my Dominant and diversify our play style. 

 

When we start playing I just don’t want to stop, I want to withstand all the fun play they can give me, and I want to show the trust I have for them by letting everything from the outside world fade away. My tears bring both of us joy, I relish in the pain and thankful to have someone who understands and cares for me, and my Dominant gets joy out of seeing mutually consented tears and pleasure. I know when I open my eyes and look into theirs, I see the same emotions reflecting back: love, understanding, and happiness. We match up well, their sadism and my masochism... I love making them laugh by making silly noises. 

Remember our interactions and play is consensual by both parties. Even after being together for years, we still check-in on our mental, emotional, and physical status before play, and we always negotiate. We have built up to the level we’re at now, and we respect each other’s boundaries and communicate constantly during our scenes. Consent is key! Regardless if you’re been playing for a few days, years, or decades. My sadist respects my boundaries, and their masochist (that’s me!!) respects theirs. Remember to communicate, give consent, and mutually respect each other. 

Until next time fellow kinksters, kinkify your life!

~ Pixie